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The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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Category: Non-fiction on love in marriage relationships

Why I chose this book: Wanted to read it for a long time

Book length: Short

Concept: Dr. Chapman proposes that there are five love languages:

 Words of Affirmation - specific, positive and encouraging language. Eg. - I appreciate that you took out the garbage or that you work so hard for us or Dinner was amazing tonight!

 Quality Time: Time spent together doing something at least one partner enjoys. Both partners are engaged without distractions. Eye contact is important.

 Receiving Gifts: Tokens that show your partner was thinking of you. Gifts can be expensive or free, made or bought. A homemade card or a feather found on a walk can be just as meaningful as jewelry or a new computer. 

 Acts of Service - performing or helping with tasks important your spouse. Can be house or yard work, but may also be helping with projects for work or church. Anything that is overwhelming, demanding, or repetitive to the person being served. 

 Physical touch - Related to, but separate from marital intimacy. Those with the primary love language of physical touch feel comforted and loved when they receive pats on the shoulder, hugs and kisses, running your fingers through their hair, playing footsie under the table, or sitting close together while doing activities such as watching a movie.  

While we may feel love in small doses from each of these categories, but Dr. Chapman purports each of us have one category that primarily resonates with us. When our spouse shows us love by "speaking" our primary love language our love tank" is filled and we feel secure and happy within our marriage. If our spouse does not speak our love language or shows their love in a way that does not resonate with us, we feel unfulfilled.

For example, a husband works hard all day and when he comes home he wants the comfort of being close to his wife (a hug, kiss, or pat on the shoulder would suffice). She is busy with the kids and dinner preparations and brushes him away. Over months and years of this repeatedly happening, he feels unhappy because his love tanks is not being filled.  

A husband may feel he is being husband of the year by helping with chores around the house. His wife's primary love language, however, is words of affirmation. In this case, she would feel more fulfilled by him saying a sincere thank you for her efforts than by his help with the tasks themselves.
    
My personal opinion: I think there is some merit to this idea. I definitely think it's possible for us to think we are showing love to our spouse without it being received as such (not speaking their language). I'm not sure it's the answer to all marital problems, but it may be a good place for a couple to start if they are not feeling fulfilled in their relationship.

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